plz talk dirty to me
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
