At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
