he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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