I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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