When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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