you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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