sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
