it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
