I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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