i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize