My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
