new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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