Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
