Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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