"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
