I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
