Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
