i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
