On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize