I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
