you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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