I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
