Fine. I'll sleep in my office
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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