the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
