I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
