im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
