I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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