If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
