It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
