If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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