Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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