so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
