it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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