woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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