Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize