piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
