Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
