If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
