So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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