ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
