It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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