We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
