Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
