No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
whose parrot is this?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
