The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Randomize