Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
