not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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