I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
