the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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