i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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