And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
