I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
is that a dick in a sweater?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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