anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
