you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
