roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
