Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
