Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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