Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
